The Webwork of a Wacky Woman

To the few of you who are fans of my foible formulations, I'm sure you have figured out the frivolous freakfest that is Amber. First and foremost, I am weird woman who often likes to speak in third person and is addicted to alliteration amongst other avocations.

I am easily obsessed with online games such as Tetris and Bejewled Blitz and have the potential to play them for hours on end (if not interrupted).

I enjoy reading fanfiction (fiction online based on popular original fiction novels and movies) about my favorite series of novels (still yet to be discussed, but I am going to get there eventually, promise) and have recently started writing some myself as an outlet for my anxiety (which if you haven't noticed, is a recurring rambling amongst my entries).

I have blogged about blogging, not once, but twice. I have also blogged about the fact I am fascinated with Rupert Grint despite the odd looks and huffs I get when admitting this and talking at length about him to friends.

It is because of my favorite fiction and fixation with Mr. Grint that I am also obsessed with British English (big clues in there folks) and love such expressions as bloody hell, sod of, snogging senseless, and barking mad.

I am neurotic (no really?), so much so that I need to channel my neuroticism into must follow daily habits, such as needing to spend exactly 30 min cleaning the first floor day by day and doing daily washing and drying OR folding of laundry, but not both, merely because the touch of OCD and ADD I deal with on a regular basis has interfered with my ability to focus on anything that I am not inherently ardent about; so sitting here and typing a blog is no problem (as long as I'm not interrupted), but the idea of going upstairs to declutter my closet causes my brain to go batty and my focusing facilities to fail me.

Obviously, as previously stated in my post before this one, I love long complicated sentences (yes folks, the paragraph above is indeed one sentence), and apparently by this post, painstakingly enjoy parenthetical prose.

If you think this is all nutters, I have something else that may take the cake: I need to flush my facebook notes because I don't feel they accurately characterize me any longer, and as I am going through said notes (mainly a bunch of filled out surveys) I have ironically discovered even more madcap things about Amber, that would be me, the wacky woman is about to share these offhand oddities with you.

I need to start with my foodisms, because I found enough of them to have their own category:

Texture is huge. I like tomato sauce and ketchup, but not tomatoes. I like grape jelly, but not grapes. I pass on foods with rubbery skin and mushy insides

I like peanut butter, but not peanuts.

I don't like strawberries or coffee.

I was asked a question about my favorite salad dressing; my answer was, "Light Italian, on a shredded carrot salad. I'm admitting my weirdness . . . I'm not a fan of lettuce folks, so give me a bed of shredded carrots and I'll put all the salad toppings on it. :)"

And just a few more incidental idiosyncrasies:

I love to watch (or used to anyway) The Biggest Loser while eating a big bowl of ice cream.

I listed Dancing Queen as the song that represents me the most.

I swore I would never do two things as a parent; lick my fingers to wipe my kid's face and let them watch Barney. I do both.

Despite the fact that I'm now 32, I love to watch the new 90210.

Apparently my "gangsta name" is Ambizzle

In July 2009 I was obviously bold enough to say the one of the three names I go by is "Sexy" (Amber and Mommy being the other two)

Finally, to emulate the quality of my quirkiness, I feel the need to color code this post so I can plainly point out peculiarities I have stolen from old facebook notes. I could clearly continue with a lengthier list describing my departure from dullness, but I bet by now you get the bottom line.

Fragmented Frivolity

I have mentioned before that my husband does not appreciate the way I go about creating and delivering my blog entries. The other day, being the gentle critic he is, my husband gets more specific and informs me he does not like the fact he has to read a few of the sentences in my complex compositions more than once. He thinks my blogs are not written for the average reader. I need to consider the whole of my potential audience and make things less multifarious. A few seconds after taking in his advice I come up with the title Fragmented Frivolity. As I explain the concept of this current configuration to him, he grunts and exclaims, "Why can't you just write a normal blog?" The answer, of which I keep to myself, is surely obvious, "Because I don't want to; there is no fun in that." I, however, do choose to jab him a bit and say, "Type up your own accounts why don't you? I do not see any entries on your empty blog page." My husband chooses not to say much in return, because unlike me, he likes to keep things simple. I dedicate this entry to him, regardless of how he may feel about it. I promise to keep my sentences and paragraphs as short and sweet as possible. In other words, they are going to be quite fragmented compared to my usual seemingly endless amalgamation of terms and phrases.

Nevertheless, I have decided I cannot type a blog for you without creating some kind of challenge for myself. Repeat readers of my ramblings may remember me saying that I hate worrying about verb tense. However, for this occasion I plan step up to the plate and use proper prose. Simply stated, I plan to keep my verb tense consistent throughout my paragraphs and hope I can accomplish this self-imposed challenge. To be frank, I typically avoid using proper tense because it does not always feel appropriate to me. Personally, I feel it is my biggest flaw as far as my personal narrative skills are concerned. For example, in my first blog post I have a sentence that contains verbs making use of past, present, and future tenses. My case in point is as follows:

"In my younger years I had to work for almost everything I wanted, so it seems odd to me that I dream of having a full time maid, and that maybe one day when I have a job outside the home I will fulfill that dream."

Since I speak of the past first, the present second, and the future third, it seems logical to me to use the most fitting tense associated with that frame of time. I can only imagine the red strikes amid my carefully crafted composition in high school and/or college if I turn in a paper with all three verb tenses in one paragraph, let alone one sentence as I have done in the instance above. For good measure, I have corrected the sentence for you below:

"In my younger years I had to work for almost everything I wanted, so it seemed odd to me that I dreamt of having a full time maid, and that maybe one day when I had a job outside the home I would fulfill that dream."

Now, I presume that is simple enough to do and perhaps I can be more vigilant of such matters in upcoming entries, but I still believe the correct version sounds strange as I currently dream of having a maid, rather than having "dreamt" of one in the past. Thus, I am going to reiterate what I say in The Blog about Blogging, ". . . it's my blog damn it, and I'll do it however I want . . . ." So, while I may try to tackle the task of appropriate tense occasionally, don't expect such careful caution in the future.

Are you bored yet? I am. From here I am going to say if you are not a lover of literature and/or do not write yourself, this is one blog I implore you to stop reading, as I am sure you are going to find this more disparaging than I do. If you do stop, I promise something far more entertaining next time, so please come back. Nonetheless, I need to get back to my point at hand, that being my extremely long sentences . . . .

I am fascinated with punctuation, and as such adore the art of a well written compound-complex sentence. I like to write my sentences long, with lots of commas, ellipses, and some semi-colons here and there too. I am enthralled with literary techniques in general. I love using alliteration. For those not in the know, alliteration is, "the repetition of consonants at the beginning of two or more words immediately succeeding each other." The perfect example is that of my title, Fragmented Frivolity. Additionally, I enjoy using metaphors and similes, which are akin but different. Metaphors are "the use of a word or phrase to refer to something that it isn't, implying a similarity between the word or phrase used and the thing described, and without the words 'like' or 'as'." Similes, on the other hand, are "a figure of speech in which one thing is compared to another, generally using like or as." I joke about using metaphors in a previous post, but in most cases I'm actually using similes. If you are still reading this I'm sure you are already privy to the information I have provided for you and aware of my past misnomers.

Before concluding this mind-numbing, yet somewhat informational statement, I cannot go without expressing the literary technique I desire to use most often is that of employing new words. I cannot stand to see the same vocalization more than a couple of times in close proximity with each other. I use an online thesaurus regularly. I have in fact learned many new words from a thesaurus, but the latest term I have come to love has presented itself to me while reading a book about my favorite author and her remarkable series of novels (of which I will eventually speak, but not today). The term is logophile, the definition being "one who loves words; a word buff". I have come across said definition at http://www.allwords.com/. Microsoft Word, apparently, does not include the term in it its glossary as I stare at the wiggly red line that is under my newest favorite word. According to the aforesaid website, this very term defining someone's adoration of vocabulary has often been difficult to find in any standard dictionary. My Random House Webster's College Dictionary, conversely, does have it. Now, to call myself a logophile is a strong statement. Nonetheless, I have my favorite terms, some that you may see repeatedly amongst my posts. Such recurring offenders you may notice are aforementioned, said (as in said definition), indeed, privy, seemingly, and ramblings. Then there are words for which I am simply besotted but do not use as frequently, a few of them being dichotomy, befuddlement, pestilence, unmitigated, modish, insurmountable, amalgamation, multifarious, smitten, and most apparently in this collaboration frivolity and besotted. Being the neurotic writer I am, I have considered typing out all the definitions of these beloved words for you. At this point though, if you are still reading this incredibly dull post, I am sure you already know the definitions of said words or are at very least willing to look them up for yourself. If need be, good source for you to use is http://www.allwords.com/, and is the source from which I obtained all definitions for this blog. If you are so inclined to do the research, have a happy educational moment.

To those who stuck it out, bless your heart for hanging in there, for I am sure this has been as painful for you to read as it has been for me to write. Here's to me ignoring my husband's advice next time around and making my next post far more fascinating than this one.

The Blog about Blogging

You know you've run out of things to say when you're blogging about blogging. Well okay, that's not true, words rarely fail me, and I'm actually currently working on three other blog entries, but I just haven't received the inspiration required for their completion yet. So I decided to bore the entirety of my three followers, one of them being my husband, by filling in the gap and talking about my befuddlement over this whole blogging phenomenon I decided to try out not so long ago. As stated in my first blog entry, the only reason I started writing these random essays was because of some encouragement from friend. I had written a few cheesy entries on facebook, and before that myspace, but nothing of substance really. I can't say I'm writing much more than fluff here either, but I suppose that depends on the perception of the reader. I wonder if I even have any readers out there, because other than my previously mentioned followers and handful of fb friends who have left me some personal comments, I don't have any feedback on these random thoughts I spew. So, if you are a reader, and you haven't let me know you are following, do as Eminem says and "please stand up".

While we are on the topic of blogging, what is proper blog etiquette anyway? According to Wikipedia, "A blog (a contraction of the term "web log")^[1] is a type of website, usually maintained by an individual with regular entries of commentary, descriptions of events, or other material such as graphics or video." Thus by that definition if I am the individual maintaining the blog, it should be anything I want, right? I think so, but my husband on the other hand sees it a bit differently than I do. Despite the fact that he seems to enjoy reading my blog entries, he has told me that I'm missing the point of a blog. To him the entries should be short and sweet, and potentially ridden with random unconnected thoughts. You would think after over 11 years together he would know that I have never been privy to any such things, especially when it comes to writing. I edit, a lot! It bothers him that I want to check and recheck for errors and make smoother transitions, though I really think that has more to do with the time I spend writing and not with him, LOL. Anyway, he doesn't see the point, to him it is just a waste of time, but he doesn't get how much I hate mistakes, and if I find them after I posted, I correct them. I can't even post a blog until I've read through it entirely at least once without having to make a correction. I usually edit my emails before sending them as well. Errors just pick and pick at my brain, so it's better to fix them before rather than let my mind fixate on them later. Besides, just because I'm not writing a term paper doesn't mean that I don't want it to sound good. I mean, if I were writing an essay for a class, my verb tense would remain the same throughout paragraphs and I would check for things like dangling modifiers, but I hate dealing with those literary pains in my ass, so I don't in this format, because it's my blog damn it, and I'll do it however I want, which is pretty much how I do everything in life. J

Alright I'm done with my random rant, and its short compared to some other entries I've written, so my husband will be proud. I will bore you no longer with my meandering thoughts about what a blog should and shouldn't be, because in the end there is no real answer other than it's whatever the writer makes it to be. Instead I offer you a preview of what may come in the next week or two: Be on the lookout for guilty pleasures, jeaneologies (yes I meant to spell it that way), and Lenten journeys. I can only hope those entries will be far more interesting than this one.