Friday, February 12, 2010

Jeanealogical Misfortunes and Miracles

I had a plan, and it was flawless. I had the perfect exposition already composed in my head, because the experience for which I wanted to put in writing was surely going to give me enough content for what I hoped to be a lengthy yet witty essay enjoyable to every person who has experienced the pain of my current conquest. Previous exploits in pursuit of this particular item have always ended badly, and it is something that is often the blight of many women. Surely as I hunted for this item again I would have plenty of disgruntled yet comical insight to share with you all. I mean, I expected my quest to last for hours, days, or even weeks as it always had in the past. Disappointment doesn't even begin to describe how I feel after seemingly endless amounts of time being devoted to finding just this one article of clothing. However, on my latest shopping trip the miracle of all miracles happened: the first pair of jeans I tried on fit like a glove. In the hope that my good fortune would continue, I continued to try on a myriad of pairs, thinking I might actually find two different curve hugging pieces of apparel to take home with me, but after trying on at least ten more sets, I decided that one pair of jeans would be enough for that propitious shopping trip.

Jeans, why on earth do they need to be so complicated? Skinny, wide-leg, boot-cut and flare - straight leg, leggings, and others to spare . . . . So many choices, so little time, so much aggravation for which there is to rhyme. Okay, all Dr. Seuss aside, why under typical circumstances is it so hard to find a pair of denims to fit me properly? I have the curves of a NORMAL, yes NORMAL woman, otherwise known as hips. No matter what size I am, whether it 4 or 12 (and I've been both and every size in between thanks to two pregnancies and an illness between them), I still have hips. You would think that since it is common to have such curves on my bottom half that it would indeed be commonplace to have jeans to fit such curves. But with all these styles and all the brands out there, it still amazes me how few pair of jeans there are out there to fit my figure.

So I could go on from here, pleading with manufacturers to be smarter about their designs and remember we aren't all 16 year old girls running around with a figure that matches a boy of the same age. Today however, I am just going to be grateful for the very reasonably priced jeans I found on my last shopping excursion and save my breath and time by letting Ellen DeGeneres do my rant for me. Please take a moment to listen to her monologue below (the part about jeans begins about 3 minutes into the clip), because at very least you will get a good laugh.

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