To Have or Not to Have

"It's so hard to love; there's so much to hate – hanging onto hope when there is no hope to speak of, and the wounded skies above say it's much too late, so maybe we should all be Praying for Time."

The "Praying for time" I did on occasion in my youth was never in the context of that in the quote above, in fact, except for when I was behind on my homework, I didn't really pray for time much at all. I was far more apt to pray for things.

I somehow got the notion that I was poor in my younger years . . . . Growing up in a farm town, living in a mobile home, never going on vacation, not usually being able to make purchases at the mall, I always thought I was one of the have-nots. I was depressed when my friends would begin to leave for their summer travels. I would sulk because I couldn't have the latest pair of Guess jeans or K-Swiss shoes and would drool outside the window displays of Express and Gap, considering it a really good shopping day when I could buy something from the clearance rack. Life was "tough" for this teenager and I was going to do everything in my power to make sure my kids didn't "suffer" the same simple life I did.

So you can imagine my excitement when my husband came home last week with the news of being offered a new job – it meant many more opportunities for our family and no more worries about a company take-over at his soon to be former place of employment. We started talking about how we could now go see Wicked for our upcoming 10^th wedding anniversary (barring it being sold out). We salivated over what posh restaurant we could eat at to celebrate this new endeavor. We even discussed using the extra money to travel more and perhaps finally remodel our bedroom . . . .

A few hours later reality sank in and we began to feel quite guilty and ashamed of our exuberance over our good fortune.

Jump back to two days before when I received an email from my pastor announcing that Lutheran Social Services, otherwise known as LSS, was interviewed for the July 25^th episode of Dateline NBC, and there was a chance the interview would survive the chopping block and be included in the show. I set my DVR to record the Sunday episode and sat down that Monday night to watch it. Unfortunately LSS was not specifically mentioned, but I'm glad I tuned in anyway, because I needed to hear what Dateline had to say.

The episode, titled America Now: Friends and Neighbors, was about poverty in Appalachia Ohio, poverty very unlike my experience growing up . . . stories of families working hard long hours, yet not having enough money to eat, some not even having enough to put an ample roof over their heads:

One woman was working a fulltime nightshift at a bakery to support her two kids and husband (who has been unable to find work for over a year), only so that they could live in a camper without electricity or running water. They have to walk to the neighbor's mobile home to shower.

One man, an air force veteran, used to be a well-paid crane operator for a company that laid him and five thousand others off about 25 years ago. This was the first of 10 companies he worked for that went under. He has two children who live with him in a tumbling down house lent to him by a friend. It has no heat, so in the winter this man sleeps in short stints in his basement spends the rest of his night stoking the fire in the wood burner to keep his boys warm. He is so distraught over his situation that, thanks to supplemental security income, he thought he would be "worth more" to his children dead than alive.

According to businessinsider.com in an article they published in July of this year, "Half of America owns 2.5% of this country's wealth. The top 1% own a third of it." The New York Times also noted in an article they published in March of 2007 that ". . . the top 300,000 Americans collectively enjoyed almost as much income as the bottom 150 million Americans. Per person, the top group received 440 times as much as the average person in the bottom half earned, nearly doubling the gap from 1980."

The vicious cycle of these statistics will likely continue – there's no money to go to school to get a better job, and no job providing the money for the next generation to get a better education . . . . The gap between the rich and the poor will grow wider, and perhaps soon there will be no middle ground left in sight.

So when I'm sitting on my comfortable couch watching my amazing flat-screen TV (with cable to boot) in my heated or air-conditioned home (weather respective), I feel both grateful and guilty – grateful to be blessed with all the luxuries in my life, and guilty that I have them while so many others truly suffer.

When I reflect on my childhood now, instead of seeing myself as poor, I see myself as incredibly ungrateful little midget. I had a roof over my head, food on the table, enough properly fitting clothes (brand name or not) to get me through a week or two before the laundry was done for me. I had a mom who managed to provide me with dance lessons, a flute to play in the band, and the required supplies and money to be a part of the majorette squad. I may not have had as much as my friends, but I had a lot, a hell of a lot more than I could ever comprehend.

After watching this episode of Dateline and taking some time to reflect on our lives, we decided that we were going to stop viewing "charity as a coat you wear twice a year" and stop "living hand to hand with legitimate excuses". The unwanted things in our shed waiting to be tagged for a garage sale are now in the process of being donated to those who need them, those who will probably appreciate the used items so much more than we ever did when we bought them new.

"This is the year of the guilty man. Your television takes a stand, and you find that what was over there is over here."

Fragmented Frivolity

I have mentioned before that my husband does not appreciate the way I go about creating and delivering my blog entries. The other day, being the gentle critic he is, my husband gets more specific and informs me he does not like the fact he has to read a few of the sentences in my complex compositions more than once. He thinks my blogs are not written for the average reader. I need to consider the whole of my potential audience and make things less multifarious. A few seconds after taking in his advice I come up with the title Fragmented Frivolity. As I explain the concept of this current configuration to him, he grunts and exclaims, "Why can't you just write a normal blog?" The answer, of which I keep to myself, is surely obvious, "Because I don't want to; there is no fun in that." I, however, do choose to jab him a bit and say, "Type up your own accounts why don't you? I do not see any entries on your empty blog page." My husband chooses not to say much in return, because unlike me, he likes to keep things simple. I dedicate this entry to him, regardless of how he may feel about it. I promise to keep my sentences and paragraphs as short and sweet as possible. In other words, they are going to be quite fragmented compared to my usual seemingly endless amalgamation of terms and phrases.

Nevertheless, I have decided I cannot type a blog for you without creating some kind of challenge for myself. Repeat readers of my ramblings may remember me saying that I hate worrying about verb tense. However, for this occasion I plan step up to the plate and use proper prose. Simply stated, I plan to keep my verb tense consistent throughout my paragraphs and hope I can accomplish this self-imposed challenge. To be frank, I typically avoid using proper tense because it does not always feel appropriate to me. Personally, I feel it is my biggest flaw as far as my personal narrative skills are concerned. For example, in my first blog post I have a sentence that contains verbs making use of past, present, and future tenses. My case in point is as follows:

"In my younger years I had to work for almost everything I wanted, so it seems odd to me that I dream of having a full time maid, and that maybe one day when I have a job outside the home I will fulfill that dream."

Since I speak of the past first, the present second, and the future third, it seems logical to me to use the most fitting tense associated with that frame of time. I can only imagine the red strikes amid my carefully crafted composition in high school and/or college if I turn in a paper with all three verb tenses in one paragraph, let alone one sentence as I have done in the instance above. For good measure, I have corrected the sentence for you below:

"In my younger years I had to work for almost everything I wanted, so it seemed odd to me that I dreamt of having a full time maid, and that maybe one day when I had a job outside the home I would fulfill that dream."

Now, I presume that is simple enough to do and perhaps I can be more vigilant of such matters in upcoming entries, but I still believe the correct version sounds strange as I currently dream of having a maid, rather than having "dreamt" of one in the past. Thus, I am going to reiterate what I say in The Blog about Blogging, ". . . it's my blog damn it, and I'll do it however I want . . . ." So, while I may try to tackle the task of appropriate tense occasionally, don't expect such careful caution in the future.

Are you bored yet? I am. From here I am going to say if you are not a lover of literature and/or do not write yourself, this is one blog I implore you to stop reading, as I am sure you are going to find this more disparaging than I do. If you do stop, I promise something far more entertaining next time, so please come back. Nonetheless, I need to get back to my point at hand, that being my extremely long sentences . . . .

I am fascinated with punctuation, and as such adore the art of a well written compound-complex sentence. I like to write my sentences long, with lots of commas, ellipses, and some semi-colons here and there too. I am enthralled with literary techniques in general. I love using alliteration. For those not in the know, alliteration is, "the repetition of consonants at the beginning of two or more words immediately succeeding each other." The perfect example is that of my title, Fragmented Frivolity. Additionally, I enjoy using metaphors and similes, which are akin but different. Metaphors are "the use of a word or phrase to refer to something that it isn't, implying a similarity between the word or phrase used and the thing described, and without the words 'like' or 'as'." Similes, on the other hand, are "a figure of speech in which one thing is compared to another, generally using like or as." I joke about using metaphors in a previous post, but in most cases I'm actually using similes. If you are still reading this I'm sure you are already privy to the information I have provided for you and aware of my past misnomers.

Before concluding this mind-numbing, yet somewhat informational statement, I cannot go without expressing the literary technique I desire to use most often is that of employing new words. I cannot stand to see the same vocalization more than a couple of times in close proximity with each other. I use an online thesaurus regularly. I have in fact learned many new words from a thesaurus, but the latest term I have come to love has presented itself to me while reading a book about my favorite author and her remarkable series of novels (of which I will eventually speak, but not today). The term is logophile, the definition being "one who loves words; a word buff". I have come across said definition at http://www.allwords.com/. Microsoft Word, apparently, does not include the term in it its glossary as I stare at the wiggly red line that is under my newest favorite word. According to the aforesaid website, this very term defining someone's adoration of vocabulary has often been difficult to find in any standard dictionary. My Random House Webster's College Dictionary, conversely, does have it. Now, to call myself a logophile is a strong statement. Nonetheless, I have my favorite terms, some that you may see repeatedly amongst my posts. Such recurring offenders you may notice are aforementioned, said (as in said definition), indeed, privy, seemingly, and ramblings. Then there are words for which I am simply besotted but do not use as frequently, a few of them being dichotomy, befuddlement, pestilence, unmitigated, modish, insurmountable, amalgamation, multifarious, smitten, and most apparently in this collaboration frivolity and besotted. Being the neurotic writer I am, I have considered typing out all the definitions of these beloved words for you. At this point though, if you are still reading this incredibly dull post, I am sure you already know the definitions of said words or are at very least willing to look them up for yourself. If need be, good source for you to use is http://www.allwords.com/, and is the source from which I obtained all definitions for this blog. If you are so inclined to do the research, have a happy educational moment.

To those who stuck it out, bless your heart for hanging in there, for I am sure this has been as painful for you to read as it has been for me to write. Here's to me ignoring my husband's advice next time around and making my next post far more fascinating than this one.

Is It Really Worth Blogging About?

So my idea to start a blog began on facebook with the following status update:

Amber will surely go mad by the time Emie [my daughter] is a teenager. Everything is a battle with her. I let her pick out her clothes to wear today to avoid the battle we have each morning, but that wasn't good enough. She had to argue with me about whether or not her underwear goes on before her jeans. REALLY? She's not even three yet.

To which my friend Martin replied:
Amber, please start a blog. :)

The conversation continued as such:

Amber – About what, my children's antics?

Martin – Yes, all about your life as a mom, wife, and beautiful woman in Columbus, OH . . . first person narrative is compelling . . . yours will be great! Plus, new hobby! ;)

Amber – Martin, you are truly too much. I actually have considered it, but not sure that anyone but you would be interested. We'll see. :)

Martin – Are you trying to say I'm not important? :)

Amber – Okay Martin, I will write it just for you, because you are so very important. ;)

Martin – Now you are being patronizing. ;)

Amber – Now Martin, do you really find me to be the kind to patronize? I'm hurt. Lol!

Martin – No, you're the kind of good friend it's okay to tease. ;)

So I decided to indulge Martin and I typed a note on facebook. Since those few short hours ago, I have come to my senses and decided to start my own blog site instead. I give you my copied and pasted note from fb as my first post. I appreciate any comments you may have, whether you post them here or on my links to here from fb. Enjoy!

So if any of you were privy to my latest status update today (01-26-10), you will know that a friend recommended I start a blog. 'A blog, REALLY', I thougt to myself, 'what on earth do I have to blog about'? I am a stay-at-home mother of two who spends her days fixing meals, chauffeuring the kids, and doing various household chores, who happens to have a variety of interests that include reading, crocheting, and as of recent writing. Additionally, if you know me well, you know I can talk just about anything, and do it for a long time. My friends often do not wish to converse with me on the phone and wish I would use text more often. I often use email and facebook as methods of communication, but even my letters and messages there are quite long. I have gotten better with age at learning when and how to shorten said messages and cut down on the conversation time, but being the stay-at-home mom I am, with a husband who uses up most of his words for the day at work, I thrive on any adult conversation I can get. I used to be an introvert, but since I started staying home with my kids, I find I will talk to anyone about almost anything, and even let complete strangers know what I think of their opinions and am more than happy to share mine. So when you combine this all these factors together, perhaps I do indeed have something to blog about, and I will begin with the thing that should, in theory, occupy the majority of my time, and yet is the bane of my existence, housework.

I swear I was born with a metaphorical silver spoon in my mouth, one that was meant to be there but never really was. In my younger years I had to work for almost everything I wanted, so it seems odd to me that I dream of having a full time maid, and that maybe one day when I have a job outside the home I will fulfill that dream. Inevitably though, that dream will come with another set of sacrifices, so for now, I will say I am blessed to stay home with my kids, and doing housework is part of that bargain. However, if you have read my 'about me' section here on fb, you will know that "I procrastinate better than anyone I know". I often put the housework on hold to do my aforementioned favorite pastimes. In fact, I hate housework so much that I will even put it off to do a not-so-favorite pastime of cardio and light weight-training, of which my motivation only comes from the end result. I will find any reason in the world to put off a project I do not want to do, and as with exercise, only the potential end result provides me with the drive to 'just get it done'. I have tried many times to create new habits and overcome my lack of motivation, but to no avail, as the end result always seems to be back-loaded laundry and clutter that is often otherwise classified as laziness. The fact that I'm typing this blog and admitting this to the world (okay, just my 130+ fb friends) is proof positive that I will do anything to get out of the 'must-do's' of everyday life. I seriously need to read 'The Road Less Traveled', but then here I am back at square one, reading and not doing the blight of most working class people, such as myself.

So as I am trying to finish this up, I must state that my husband suddenly got the urge to talk. "What are you doing? Are you typing a blog? You know we have a blog site that I set up . . . . Look, 'Scrubs' is on TV tonight." I told him to watch something else while I finish this, which means I must enjoy what I'm doing. So perhaps you will see more blurbs from me in the future and I may actually put the blog site my husband set up to use.

As I close, I must dedicate this to Martin, who always thinks far too highly of me, yet inspires me to believe I can do more than I ever thought possible for myself. My friend, I apologize if you felt patronized today, but you know me, I can hardly contain myself when I have the opportunity to be a smart-ass. ;) I enjoy reading your blog, which I continue to believe will be far better than anything I could ramble on about, but thank you for believing I'm capable writing something that others would be interested in reading. Maybe you will be right (for once, lol) and can someday say "I told you so!"