Thursday, February 11, 2010

Insufferable Obnoxiousness

Okay, we have established more than once that Jon is the best husband in the world, but despite his better qualities, he at times can be utterly obnoxious. Most of the time when he behaves in such a manner I either give him a smirk that indicates he should stop whatever it is he is doing immediately, or if he's lucky and I'm in a really good mood I provide him with a good laugh. However, there are a few moments in which the only way I can cope with his insufferable behavior is to be equally insufferable in return. When my friend Martin mentioned in a comment on my previous blog how much he enjoyed a set a quizzes Jon and I created about a year ago, I was reminded of one of those moments and decided I would like to share that flash of time with all of you.

One day while perusing the news feed on facebook, which I usually do at least once a day, I came across some quizzes that a handful of my fb friends were creating about themselves. I thought they looked fun, and being the inherent procrastinator I am, I decided to create a quiz about myself instead of doing whatever it was I should have been doing at that time. I decided to make it a bit tricky, but not so hard that those closest to me should have been able to correctly answer 8 out of the 10 questions in my opinion. The quiz I created is pasted below; the correct answers (for that time) are highlighted for you:

1) Which two schools did I attend for first grade?
a) Smith Elementary and North Lawrence Elementary
b) Amherst Elementary and Magnolia Elementary
c) Newman Elementary and Moffitt Heights Elementary
d) Magnolia Elementary and Newman Elementary
e) Amherst Elementary and Newman Elementary

2) How old was I when I got married?
a) 19
b) 21
c) 22
d) 24
e) 26

3) What is my middle name?
a) Diana
b) Donna
c) Dylan
d) Doris
e) Dawn

4) My first real job was at . . .
a) Wendy's
b) McDonald's
c) Bordner's
d) Rite Aid
e) Taco Bell

5) Of the people below, who would I like to meet the most?
a) Sarah McLachlan
b) Billy Joel
c) Zach Braff
d) Oprah
e) John Cusack

6) If I could be on any reality television show, what would it be?
a) American Idol
b) Survivor
c) The Amazing Race
d) Dancing with the Stars
e) America's Next Top Model

7) My favorite ice cream is . . .
a) mint chocolate chip
b) Chocolate
c) Strawberry
d) rocky road
e) butter pecan

8) When I was in college I earned money by . . .
a) being a therapist for autistic children.
b) working for a parks and rec department.
c) working in the university library.
d) a and b
e) all of the above

9) If I could go to any continent in the world it would be . . .
a) Australia
b) Antarctica
c) Asia
d) South America
e) Africa

10) I've seen which of the following people in concert?
a) Sting
b) Michael Jackson
c) Indigo Girls
d) a and c
e) all of the above

Naturally my dear husband took the quiz. His result you ask . . . 70%. We have been together for over 10 years (at the time), I thought to myself, and the best he could do was 70%. Now, just so you are informed, the three questions he answered incorrectly were 1, 8, and 9. I kind of expected him and everyone else to get number 1 wrong as I never really talk about that answer. Answering number 8 incorrectly was a little shaky, but he answered 'a and b', which is the next closest answer, so I let it slide. Number 9 on the other hand, well I was annoyed, as I know I mentioned wanting to go to Africa to him numerous times and hardly ever talked about going to his answer, which was Australia. I certainly could not let this go, so I gave him a really hard time by posting sarcastic remarks about him and his lack of knowledge about me in my status update, all in good fun of course. Jon, being the obnoxious man he is, decided to retaliate by creating a quiz of his own (which was riddled with typos, spelling errors, and lack of punctuation of which I edited for easier reading, LOL). Like before I posted it below with the "correct" answers highlighted.

1) Where do I live?
a) A house
b) Hilliard
c) Franklin County
d) Ohio
e) United States

2) What is my favorite invisible word?
a) _
b) _
c) _
d) All of the above
e) None of the above

3) What best describes my memory?
a) I remember everything
b) I never repeat myself
c) Rarely do I let things "slip"
d) A and C
e) I forget a lot, and often ask questions I just asked

4) I'm thinking of a # between 1 and 5, what is it?
a) 1
b) 2
c) 3
d) 4
e) 5

5) Who is my favorite person?
a) Myself
b) Amber
c) Mommy
d) Borat
e) I'm sleeping on the couch tonight

6) Which word do I prefer... "yes" or "no"?
a) yes
b) no
c) both
d) neither
e) c and d

7) What's my favorite multiple choice answer?
a) c
b) d
c) a
d) none of the above
e) all of the above

8) Which random sequence of characters did I push that I deem correct?
a) sbhsbgf
b) vgngfhfg
c) sdgcbcv
d) trhdfbg
e) dghdfghdfghdrthdrghbdrthdrghdhdrther

9) Which statement best describes my memory?
a) I remember everything
b) I never repeat myself
c) Rarely do I let things "slip"
d) A and C
e) I forget a lot, and often ask questions I just asked

10) What am I doing tonight?
a) All of the above
b) Nothing
c) Eating
d) Sleeping on the couch
e) wiping some poopy butt

My result to this ridiculous concoction you ask . . . 40%. I was seething. Everyone but me thought he was funny (okay, it was a little funny, but I had to pretend it wasn't at the time). I must say though, he surely made a mistake by saying the answer to 10 was 'nothing', because in fact if I had my way that evening, he would be sleeping on the couch. Alright, all joking aside, if you know me at all, you know that I just couldn't let that go. I created one more quiz and posted it for the world to see, the title being 'How Easy Is It to Make Your Wife Mad?' I of course pasted it below for your viewing pleasure:

1) Who did Amber marry?
a) Jon, I think I'm funny, Koppenhofer
b) Jon, I'm in the dog house, Koppenhofer
c) Jon, I can't quit while I'm ahead, Koppenhofer
d) all of the above
e) none of the above

2) What percentage would you say represents how well Jon knows Amber?
a) 60%
b) 70%
c) 80%
d) 90%
e) 100%

3) How long have Jon and Amber been together?
a) About 10.5 years
b) About 9 years
c) About 13 years
d) About 12.5 years

4) How long does it take a man to figure out not to make his wife look bad?
a) 9 years of marriage
b) 10.5 years of being together
c) A rough week
d) Never

5) Why did Amber create this quiz?
a) Because she wants to give Jon a hard time.
b) Because Jon is obnoxious.
c) Because Jon made a ridiculous quiz
d) Because Jon only got 70% on a quiz about her.
e) It's obvious, all of the above.

6) What are the odds that Jon is really in the dog house?
a) 50/50
b) 100%
c) He's not, Amber just had to give him a hard time.

So, do you want to know what his results were on this on . . . worse than the first at 66%. He missed number 4 by answering 'A rough week,' and wait for it . . . he missed 3! Yes, that's right, he missed number 3; he answered with 'About 9 years'. You can imagine he only dug himself in deeper at this point, especially when some of my friends were answering the quiz with 100% accuracy. In the end though, my anger was short lived and it ended up being a good laugh, not only for us, but several of our friends as well. Sometimes insufferable obnoxiousness is worth it.